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Din variate motive blogul a intrat in coma. Astept revenirea sa la viata si refuz decuplarea de la aparate...

A new way to smoke

A man walked into a psychiatrist's office, sat down, took out a pack of cigarettes. He removed a cigarette from the pack, unrolled it, and stuffed the tobacco up his nose. The shrink frowned and said, "I see you need my help!" The guy said, "Yeah Doc. Got a match!?" 

Maybe you're not cured

Dr. Sharma, the head psychiatrist at the local mental hospital, is examining patients to see if they're cured and ready to re-enter society. 'So, Mr. Patel,' the doctor says to one of his patients, 'I see by your chart that you've been recommended for dismissal. Do you have any idea what you might do once you're released?' The patient thinks for a moment, then replies, 'Well, I went to school for mechanical engineering. That's still a good field and great money. But, on the other hand, I thought I might write a book about my experiences here in the hospital and what it's like to be a patient here.' The patient continued, 'People might be interested in reading a book like that. In addition, I thought I might go back to college and study art history, which I've grown interested in lately.' Dr. Sharma nods and says, 'Yes, those all sound like intriguing possibilities.' The patient replies, 'And the best part is, in my spare time, I can go on being a teapot.'  

Going nuts

A doctor at an insane asylum, decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up nuts!" And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, "Down Nuts!" And they all sat. After a home run he yelled, "Cheer nuts!" And they all broke into applause and cheers. Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened. The assistant replied, "Everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, "PEANUTS!" 

The memory test

Three old men are at the doctor's office to take a memory test.

The doctor says to the first old guy, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply.

The doctor worriedly says to the second old man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday" replies the second man.

The doctor sadly says to the third one, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine" says the third old man.

"That's great!" exclaims the doctor. "How did you get that"?

"That was easy Doc, "I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday."